It Matters

It matters what we experience.

If you have ever walked through a patch of Spanish Needles, you know the aggravation of picking off the seeds that stick to your clothing one by one. The journey of life is about like this. The things we experience tend to stick to us and make us who we are. No, we don’t become Spanish Needles, but we do become a montage of all the things we’ve experienced. Little bits of things we go through, things we learn, and people we meet stick to us to influence our perceptions and build our character.

My dad was a rover. His parents divorced when he was 13, and after that, he lived first with one, then another, never staying in one place. Because he never forgave his mother for divorcing his dad, he became a bitter man. His bitterness grew as he aged, and it affected all of us kids. His experience took him in a direction that made life hard for him and his family.

A good friend of mine sometimes talks about her life. Her parents were alcoholics and abusive to each other and to their children. She also was in some bad marriages. She told me that while I have to look for bad things to happen to my characters, she has to look for good things to happen to hers.

It matters what we read, see, and hear.

Through books, I have visited other countries, other eras, and other planets. I’ve learned about past lives and the lives of people I’ve never met. I’ve also learned about organisms and inventions I would have never heard of had I not read about them. What we see matters. When I was ten, I saw a scene on TV that scared me and still visits me at inopportune times. No horror stories for me! I’ve also learned to choose carefully what I listen to because of the effect it has on my thinking.

It matters what we choose.

I chose to marry a man of a different culture, and we have two daughters. When we first married, I had to learn to cook new types of recipes and to adapt to different customs. Sometimes, it was hard, but his family was wonderful, and I blended in. When we had been married for 25 years, he decided I wasn’t enough for him, and he broke his vows to be faithful to me. I had to choose to leave or stay, and I chose to forgive and stay. My decision mattered. It mattered to me, to my husband, to my kids, and to those who knew me. It mattered to me as a Christian. We have now been married 52 years, and he is a great husband, dad, and grandpa. Who knows what would have happened had I chosen to leave? Things would be different for all of us.

It was tough, but I made it. And it mattered. Because what we choose matters.

It matters what we say and how we say it.

Tone of voice is everything in communication. I think it was Maya Angelou who said, “People will forget what you said, but they'll remember how you made them feel.” We can make others feel unworthy, unloved, dumb, and stupid with our words and our tone. So many children have grown up feeling unworthy because of the way their parents and/or teachers spoke to them. The way we speak to a spouse can make them feel safe and loved or hurt and alone. We have people in our lives whom we are charged to love and care for. Do those people feel loved and cared for? Do they feel they can come to us for any need or concern? Can they confide in us without being judged harshly? It matters.

It matters that we are grateful. We should be thankful for the little souls we have been given. For the spouse who we courted and married. For those who invest in us and those in whom we have invested. Those who have given us jobs and those who work for us. Most of all, it matters that we are grateful to God.

Some say we are what we eat. Others say we are what we read. But we all know we are the summation of all that we have experienced, good and bad. Some experiences we need to forgive and get beyond.

Those cell phones we love so much become bogged down when we fail to close the apps we have used. With a few swipes, we can close all those apps and save our batteries. It isn’t quite that easy, but we need to work to swipe off those experiences that drag us down, draining us of our energy and happiness. Life would be so much better if we would forgive all the wrongs done to us or by us, real or perceived. We would be so much lighter and happier if we would rid ourselves of the baggage that has accumulated over the years—the baggage filled with hurts, bad memories, habits, and negative character traits.

We have the ability to pick off the sticky seeds we’ve collected and use them to influence a story, a friend who needs encouragement, or a person who needs to know change is possible instead of allowing them to be a negative influence on our lives. Then others can benefit, and we will be blessed with another book on the shelves of every library and bookstore in town.