Stupid Things

Do you ever think about all the stupid things you’ve done? Or maybe you’re not like me and have never done anything stupid. I sure wish I could say that without lying. I think my brain has a special file labeled “How Many Stupids Can You Do” or something like that. Occasionally, usually at inopportune times or when I’m needing to go to sleep, my brain pulls out that file for a review. Not a quick review, mind you, but a review that continues until I realize what’s going on and consciously put it away.

My brain pulls out the file and lays out all the incidents. Not in chronological order, not in alphabetical order, not in topical order, but in random order. Then the video of each incident begins to play back to back every.stupid.thing.I’ve. ever.done! Does that happen to you? Good grief, I hope not!

For instance,

1. When I mentioned to a manager at a local restaurant that I heard he was part of the mafia and told him I didn’t believe it because he was too nice to be involved in that sort of thing. I learned later it was likely true.

2. When I was waiting for jury duty and went into the bathroom. I could see some boots in a stall, and it didn’t dawn on me they were men’s boots until my husband walked out and asked what I was doing in there.

3. When I hit a light pole and dented the bumper of my jeep. I looked around, just not behind. I also rear-ended a chicken once. I told that hen not to run in front of me, and she didn’t. She flew. The poor thing stuck in my grill like a misplaced hood ornament. I guess that wasn’t stupid, though, just an accident. My students kept asking me if I liked grilled chicken. Haha.

4. When I was subbing at school and decided to use the girls’ restroom instead of going to the one for teachers. I entered the first stall, and yuck! I went to the second—yucky yuck! I went to the third—it was a urinal. I was so glad classes were in session!

5. When I found a white gel pen in the eye makeup section and thought it was white eyeliner. It wasn’t.

I could go on—and on, but you get the picture. Some stupid things are so embarrassing I dare not tell them. My philosophy is if you can’t laugh at yourself, you sure shouldn’t laugh at anyone else. And—assuming you also do stupid things—when your brain pulls up that file, tell it to shut up. I’m glad doing a few stupid things doesn’t make me stupid. A stupid person is one who refuses to listen to instruction and/or to follow instructions. I’m grateful that God takes care of me when I do stupid things.